I know it now, butt knowing is much less than realizing.  I've taken my past and turned it into my future.  although it's behind me in a rather literal sense, I've made it my present and future.  Perhaps it's because she is..

I know that what's ahed is free and open, and that the possibilities are endless, but knowing is much less than realizing, seeing it in your mind, being there.  I feel like I'm blind, taht I've been described this beautiful painting, it's meaning, it's depth, and All I feel is sorrow for not being able to see it, thought I know it exists.  only I'm not blind, and I know that realization is near, I can taste it, I know how to get it, and I must thank him so much for showing me.  I can see it through the fog, out the window, jsut blurry enough to make me insane, but there still clear enough to give me hope.  I hate limbo, being motionless, descisionless, lifeless, loveless.  It's in me, I've just made things the way they are.  I can fix this, as soon as I can, I don't think I can wait much longer.