grotesque and hidden my thoughts have been.  unaware am I, as are those around me.  They sense it though, they never get too close, and it gives it a chance to fester, to grow, and creep forward.  The zombie that never dies, no mtter how happy I am, if idle time finds it's way towards me, I panic.  I won't let it come back.  thought it's movements are slow, it is fast approaching, and I've never been able to run fast enough.  Facing it feels like destruction.  I jsut wish I could erase this one part of me.  It would change so much but ignorance is bliss, please just let me be happy, that's all I wish for at 11:11, every shooting star.  I know it seems horrible and selfish, but 'a mind that knows itself has a mind to serve the other' and if I'm happy with me, I can extend it to others.

 

All I want to do is be happy, what makes me happy is helping others, but I can't be happy with that if every night I feel like I'm drying out